19 day late update

*************this was made yesterday***************

Sitting here with my coffee. Relaxing before work. I'm just realizing how much different this new one will make life. Crying, constant pooping, tired arms, tired body, tired mind...wait that sounds like Todd..

Seriously though, i cant believe I'm going to do this again. I'm so excited yet so nervous at the same time. Because not only will a new one make things more crazy, I'm making a life changing decision.

I will officially be a SAHM. Stay At Home Mom. Financially it makes the most sense. With two kids in daycare I would be bringing home about $4 - $10 dollars a week. And that's just after paying for day care. Not filling up my tank to get to work or any extra money for bills. I did everything I could to see if we would qualify for any government help. But with Todd's income and with Gavin's death benefits it adds up to too much. That sucks. Even with three kids and just one parent making the bucks we still don't qualify for anything.

Arrgh.

******today's posting***************

On a higher note my belly is starting to get large and very very round. I finally started to stop losing weight and start gaining it. I never thought as a plus size woman i would ever say I wanted to gain weight. Marianna has started to really show. Last night I put the remote on my stomach and it balanced. Oh and the kicker, I didn't even realize i had taken advantage of my protruding stomach. I cant bend over straight anymore. Shessh I remember that with Gavin. I had to do the curtsy bend, turn my legs sideways and twist down.

As far as finding a Pro Bono Doula, things have progressed in this area. We have a meeting with one on Monday and I have to email a few ladies back. I pimped out Todds wonderful computer services as something to barter with. I know beggars cant be choosers they say but I really mentally need to find someone who has done a water birth before. I would make me so much more at ease knowing that she has truly done all of this before. We are super cleaning our house though to get ready for her visit. Not that I expect her to go roaming through our house but still i don't know if she would want to pop her head in the baby's room or a room that is cluttered. Since I will be mostly laboring at home Its prolly a good idea we start cleaning now so i can moan and scream in whatever room i please! Its too early in the morning to continue on. I thin I'm going back to bed and I think I will finish later.