Barnslig

I really like this for Marianna's room. Marianna, humm i still dont know about that name but the boys sure do like it. I think we kinda gave up on finding names after Marianna too. Im not saying it's a bad name it's just iffy i guess.

These curtains match well. Theres not too much pink either. Not that im scared of pink i guess its just still hard for me to believe it's a girl. Im happy no matter what. I guess rasing a girl has me frightened. I want to be sure i do it right. Boys make sense to me. When i was growing up girls never made sense to me. It was always about the opposite of what i thought was right.

Here's some pink. It's called "bubbles" Ha.. reminds me of the conversation i had with Emily about feeling "bubbles". I feel like i can get a start on new baby stuff after the holiday. I hope i will. Im not lazy about it i just want more time. Time to figure out how much effort i want to put into her room. I want it to look great no matter if its all decked out or if its just little odds n' ends. Im sure it will all slide together right before she arrives.

I can make pretty things. Girly things. Ever since i've moved to this country town, i see more things that are "womanly" in me. I love to cook for the family. It doesnt matter if its the wifely duty or whatever the next male shovenist calls it. It has become a passion i have fallen in love with. And this idea we have been toying around with for awhile about me staying home after Marianna (see?) is born i am getting used to. I know financially it makes sense, but somewhere in the back of my mind i dont want to lose my working girl self. I have ambition when it comes to succeding at what i do. Being a hands on mother will just become another successful thing i do. Yet this one will stick around for 70 or 80 years.

Becoming full time cook and cleaner has me hesitant for the future. I could say i dont want to do it because in my younger years i was forced to do it. *Why eat green beans u hate when they were forced down your throat at age 5? * But if i look at it as my job i may have the same ambition i have for my current job. Plus the greatest bonus i would get is seeing my kids from the moment they open my eyes to the moment their heads fall on the pillow. Being organzied i have realized will be the most important thing in this life changing event. Which is something i have never achieved.

Having Todd as my other half has never been so grand. No matter what is said or done, his last thoughts are about our family and the rest of our existance. I hate how so many usless things squeeze into our lives and make it rough.

*Don't you wanna make me feel like I'm a thousand stories high. Don't you wanna make me feel I'll never fail I'll never die. Don't you wanna set me free we'll overwrite the history. Turn to find our destiny and never turn away*

-Dan Wilson